So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
