come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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