His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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