well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
