that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
