i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Semen is not good for contacts.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
