And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
