I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
