Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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