these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
