JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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