Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Randomize
