it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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