Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
