the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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