2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
