I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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