If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
