3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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