you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
