Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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