Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
