I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
