Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
