Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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