I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
