considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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