similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
