I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The air was thick with penises
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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