I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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