Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
