see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
