even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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