I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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