I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
