and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
