Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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