i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
