please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
