well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
