i just had sex bonerless
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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