funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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