Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
