The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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