carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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