come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
