it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
