life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
