Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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