some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
