I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
