i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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